let's see what's changed... after april 8th tthe last day that i wrote in herrrre.

con's in jail..

im a manerger now

gotta raise

skinniner

got a melrose pericing

got a tattoo.

im happy but lonlely

im in make up school

i have more make up

im more strong/confudent/know my worth a bit more

my dadd is back..

woah..there's a lot of chance in 4 months.

so.... the question is............ HOW am i doing?

      im doing good.. i guess. I remanber back in the days i read an article about.. being postive.. how to be postive and what you should do to archieve it.. anways..the whole point of that article as i remanber... even tho your sad or mad.. or not feeling well.. you should always answer GOOD.. or GReat.. ect. this apparenly gets people to want to be your friend.. lol.. i ddont know.. sometimes i wonder.. when can you express your own feelings? how? and when is the RIGHT time? you know.. sometimes you need to let everything out... i mean.. everything... shit just get build in you u know.. sometimes without you even notice..

  ITs like period.. or a some kind of cleans.. or DETOX... you need to shit things out... you need to get it once a month.. to get all the didrty blood... or all the garbage food that you ate thru out times... but questions.. when is a right time for me?

  another thing is im pissed off at my bestfirned.. i meant.. VERY FUCKING PISSED OFF at her.. she's just soo selfish .. you know? not nice.. at all.. it's all about her... when was the last time she made me happy? when was the last time she brought me presents? like i did for her?  arugh.. i hate her!!!! not very happy at all... i hope she fall slips and crash into a car!!!

           As i get older... i find myself... you just lose all your close firends.. and people that u use to connect with... you guys go diffrent ways... and have diffrent thoughts... your mind just seperates you from everything everyone you know.. i guess that what makes us.. diffrent.. how we brought up.. how we do things..and how was we taught.

i miss conrad.. lol.. i should slap myself for saying that... or maybe feel ashamed. i do.. i realy do.. why wtf.. untill this day.. i still dont know why.. i went out for a date.. but nahh.. just aint the same. just aint. maybe its the history.. maybe bcuz im dumn.. but i highly doubt that im dumn... whatever i dont care.. let it be.

ciao.~

its 5:01 am in the morning.

umm..how was my day..? my day was longgg.. woke upp..around 9 was an hour late for work..lol!! i love love love loev opening shifts!! because u dont have to work at nights..freaking look pretty and serve liqure and see ppl dat u know all that bull! well.. thank god i ddnt work today.bcuz fuckface came today!! lol.ohmygosh!  umm.. im better!!

im wayy better.im over that new lover..realised he's a complelte disguesting fag it!!! hahaha.. y did i like him? ewww now i think back he's short fat and disguesting!! i hope i never ever see his face ever again! heheheh =) anyways... umm..im kindnda tired..but not yet.. i have like... 2 days in a row night mares...!! freaking ish man!! scarrrrrry~

well... i should go back to sleep... wait let me have a smoke..brb.~

o0kiee dockies! im back!!! ehhehe.. i was jst thinkin...thank the god i didnt work today.. or else..he wouldda seee me!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! y the hell am i sooo damn insrcure??? yikes! umm..anyways... ummm.yeah..well ummm...what am i going to do tomlo? ummm...

1. sleeep in~~~~

2. go outttt

3. take out money cuz i have to payy my lovvely mommie back!!!!!!!!!

4. i want a ed hardey sweater!! lol.

yikes..kk..nite!! =)
     xo/alviner

fucking shit... super fucking chocked..!!! work was alright... arugh!!!! fuckin bitch..

im so fuckin mad... dont call back? fuck..!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

i hate fuckin bestfrienss.. i hate when poeple dont fukin call back they say they will ..well u know what..imma do that same fucking shit..

and you know what? so fuckin what u can dance? i can dance too..

fucking think you better than me.you must be outta ur fucking mind..

so what guys like you? i just dont wanna lower myself and find a guy that i fuckin only like... "sort of" and they like you more than u like them... to make urself feel better..... so fuck you u fucking bitch....arugh if i hadda ak..i'll fuckin shoot everone...

oh yeah..and him? fuck you fuckin bitch... u fukin piece of shit.. .fuckin son of a bitch.you so fukin vain.. tellin me that u like me.but u really like her... arugh.. i hate fukin liierrrs...

and the X case? fuckin fakeeee... stop being so fuckin nice to me... fuck up soon!! i dont wanna talk to u...i do..but it aint gon go nowhere...

i fuckin hate myself... im super duper fuckin pissed... wtf?!?!?!?! why the fuck is everything seem so fuckin wrong??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!!

imma be a bitch. let me be.. imma fuck you up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!